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Great writing, vivid scenarios, and thoughtful commentary ... the stories will linger after the last page is turned. -- Publisher's Weekly, on Captive Dreams

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

This Should Get Your Goat. Or Not.

Some of you may remember the woman who married the Eiffel Tower, or perhaps the one who married the roller coaster.  (What marriage does not have its ups and downs?)  Or the fellow who married his Laborador retriever.  (The bride was very fetching.)  Perhaps even the woman who married herself, or the woman who married a warehouse; though those last two may have been stunts.  (Only the last two?  Oh, the humanity!) 

Well, fans of the untergang, another blow has been struck in the demolition of the West, albeit in a more remote corner of the West. 

A Brazilian man is to wed his pet goat – but has promised not to consummate the marriage.
Former stonecutter Aparecido Castaldo, 74, has decided to end his days as a single man to marry his beloved Carmelita.
The happy couple will walk, or trot, down the aisle on October 13 in Igreja do Diabo, or Devil’s Church, in the city of Jundiai, Brazil.
Aparecido has been in love with the pet for two years and says a goat has advantages over a human companion.
‘She doesn’t speak and doesn’t want money,’ says the father of eight children – four women and four men from four different marriages.
 Of course, there are multiple problems, as there always are when one contravenes the natural order.  If he does not consummate the marriage, is there a marriage?  Lack of consummation has been grounds for dissolution since the Code of Khammurapi, and in many cultures the rule has been "the act makes the marriage."  Which is why it's called "the marriage act."  So the lovely bride already has grounds for an annulment in the groom's prior stated intent. 

Pagan Rome and Christendom added another requirement: "consent makes the marriage" and it is unclear whether Senhorita Carmelita has given her consent to this union, or even whether she is competent to do so.

It may be that for Sr. Castaldo, a goat does have advantages over a human companion, especially if, as one suspects, he may have troubles attracting the latter.  And when one realizes that he regards normal conversation and the support of his spouse as disadvantages.  We will pass over in silence the name of the "church." though we may roll our eyes a bit as we do so.  At least, Sr. Castaldo should have no problem finding a nanny. 

But come, let us celebrate their love for each other.  To do otherwise would be capraphobic.  

4 comments:

  1. "You lovers, for whose sake the lesser sun
    At this time to the Goat is run
    To fetch new lust, and give it you,
    Enjoy your summer all..."

    Donne is done, undone and outdone by this capricious caper. Yet, this is not the first time the well-being of a goat has been scarified to the official state religion.

    What if the news gets out, I mean, waaaay out? (This is a SciFi friendly blog. right?) In about, oh, 78 years, I would not be surprised if there were an invasion of conquest from the outraged denizens of Deneb Algedi, whose state-mandated (or perhaps state-tentacle-dated, one must not presume) religion reserves goat-marriage to high priests and priestesses alone! That damn dirty apes would so presume! Is outrage!

    I laugh not to cry.

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    1. Doubtless goats are reserved for the high-priests and high-female-priests. :p

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  2. Sure is hard to get yourself thrown in the asylum these days.

    Too bad any baker who refuses to make a cake for them will probably lose their business. Oh, wait, it's Brazil, so the business owner will be okay.

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  3. Well, I am sure that my cat loves me because I feed him.

    However, I doubt that marriage has entered his mind, and I certainly feel no urge to be married to anything other than a human female.

    I am happy to go on feeding him for as long as we both live, and scratching him under the chin.

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